I hate gender stereotypes, I really do. I shy away from Women’s Studies or writing academic papers from a “woman’s perspective” because it seems so trite. In a social situation, I secretly mourn when the men end up on one side of the room and the women gather on the other. It makes me want to leave the party.
But my husband has posted a challenge on his blog (http://www.kbcuz.blogspot.com/ and if you haven't read it, please stop right now and check it out) to which I am forced to respond.
So … Men are Closed and Women are Open.
Why in god’s name would I want to sit here in our apartment in Sevilla with the doors and windows hermetically sealed, cave-like, shivering in an artificial and chemically-created blast of iced air? Outside, the sky is crystal blue: swallows are flying and calling … cathedral bells are tolling crazily … passionate Spaniards are shouting, fighting and cooing in the street just below our balcony.
It’s so alive outside!
I know it’s hot … I recognize 100 degrees. Sometimes I want to turn on the air conditioner too. But I view the air conditioner as my slave, and men (well, at least the ones I know well) view it as The Boss. “Close the door! The Air Conditioner is on!” “Why are you opening the window? Don’t you know the Air Conditioner is on??”
Yes, I know. And frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.
If it were up to me, I’d cycle the air on and off just exactly as I wanted. I’d open the doors and windows when I felt like it, and close them up to cool things off when I felt like it. I don’t mind being hot, in fact, I like it. Sometimes I like the languid feeling of shimmering heat, lazily watching an iced tea … or gin and tonic … frost and sweat on the table next to me. But mostly, I like the feeling of being open, open to the air and the sounds and the possibilities.
I don’t really think this is because I’m a woman; I think it’s just because I’m Karen.
And so we will continue to struggle together to find a compromise, although I don’t think my sweetheart will ever really understand that, for me, it’s more than just an issue of temperature. It’s an issue of sensory opportunity.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
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4 comments:
OK, but I don't consider sweating and suffering as a sensory opportunity. As far as the sweet sounds from the street, we tried sleeping with the windows open the first couple of nights here, when it was still not too hot and it was cacophonous into the wee hours and again early in the morning. It has been determined that one of us must always suffer.
I think this is the reason I never wanted to remarry. Karen I see your point, and understand your sensory opportunity point of view. On the other hand, I think Bill's reflections are a bit sexist as he includes all women in the cold category. I personally set the A/C to mud-suck at every opportunity, but will also crack a window, not for fresh air, as we will not have any here in Florida for approximately 6 months, but for the sensory opportunity of hearing what is coming at me. I also get frustrated with students in the classroom, and to be fair these are almost always female, who come to class dressed in next to nothing, and then complain that it is so cold. I always want to scream at them to wear actual clothing to class. Obviously, this is what breaks marriages up. In my opinion, ceiling fans and icy gin and tonics are the cure for all of this.
Sandie
Since Bruce's passing I now have "control" over everything. However, I have always been the one who put on a sweater or snuggled in an afghan while watching tv. On the other hand, during the he usually would get in bed first and warm my side for me.
Bruce used to say that God made men's body temps warmer than women's to ensure our "snuggling".
It also takes the air or heat longer to work when it's too hot or cold -- thus, a sweater when necessary.
I have also learned over the years that it's best to choose your fights but, many are over the silly things (i.e., heat/cool, toothpaste, whatever).
When I had the heat pump installed last year the man who installed it also showed me how to set the thermostat to ensure the temps were good for me and, I haven't needed to change them.
Since you were a little girl, you always wanted to have the windows open (especially in the car), so you are just being yourself. You should have lived when I was young ... before we had a/c. We had the doors and windows open and had a fan running. I don't remember being too uncomfortable back then, but I must admit that I enjoy the air conditioning now. Your post was very well written and will probably provoke some discussions between husbands and wives. Clever!
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