Bill's version: How Toledo Can Kiss My Patootie...!!!

After waiting for over an hour in the train station yesterday to buy tickets from Madrid to Toledo and back for today I still had high hopes that it would be worth the time and effort. I should learn to listen more closely to my inner voices that say..."This is a bad sign, perhaps it is not meant for you to go to Toledo."

We had a thirty minute ride from Madrid on a clean, smooth and comfortable train, then we left the station in Toledo and began our trek to the historic district.

(Note to self: When buying a train ticket do not tell them you are an American. After five trips in Germany, France and Spain we have had backward facing seats on every train. We believe they are reserved for Americans and we probably pay extra for them.)

Cabbies and tour guides were hawking conveniences but we shunned those in favor of making our own adventure.

I'm not sure what it is that trips my BS meter more quickly than Karen's but while she remains hopeful and cheerful, I quickly become wary then resentful and if pushed then even a bit snarly when I sense a tourist trap ripoff. Welcome to Toledo. Once the center of the convergence of the three main western religions and cultures, now the magnet for tour buses, surly Toledanos and hyper inflated prices.

The Alcázar, the ancient Moorish palace is an impressive edifice and covers several square blocks. It was closed on one end being renovated to become a Spanish Army museum. The other end has become an eight story library that we entered just to use the bathroom. There seems to be little regard for preservation of historical sites. The shell is gutted and stone walls replaced with glass, steel, tile and wood.

We paid several Euros each to enter churches and synagogues...riiiippp...most of which we turned around and left because of the commercialization, number of tourists and the prohibition of photos. We weren't using flash. The only reason we can figure they prohibit even non-flash photos is so tourists will buy the books. We bought two books before entering the cathedral for about $35. Shouldn't we be allowed to show our receipt and take a few of our own photos?

While one of us was shopping for a typical symbol of "art de Toledo," an elaborately engraved metal plate, the other was already wary, weary and unhappy. I appreciate art, we both do. We spend money like we are made of it so money wasn't the issue. As Karen was "oohing" and "ahhing" over the metal plate, I could feel my wallet being jerked out through my rear end for a waaaayyy over priced trinket.

Karen asked the kindly old gentleman if the price marked was his best price and he pointed to a sign over the door that indicated we were in an officially government sanctioned establishment where the price is set. I quickly and robustly coughed my best impression of BS and coughed the f-word a few times. This was a very subtle sign to Karen that we should leave but it wasn't received that way. Karen and I exchanged a few clipped words that were not sweetly expressed but bitten off and spat. Now the guy not only has the Spanish Federal Government's permission, encouragement and assistance to extract my wallet the hard way but my wife has taken his side. Balderdash!

The lunch that followed that episode was not only expensive but uncomfortable. $42.76 for two bowls of soup (one sorta chicken noodle but looked more like ramen) one beer and one glass of wine. Through much of it I was being reminded that James Bond would not have used bad language, even camouflaged by a cough. All I could think of is that if James Bond had been there then there would be a few less ripoff artists today.

We had three maps of Toledo. I spent 27 years in the US Army and can not only read a map but track very well by dead reckoning, at night and in the fog, jungle and desert. Each map was different. The streets were really paved cart tracks with perhaps one fourth or less of the streets actually marked at the intersections with names. Also about one fourth of the streets on the map had names but they were not the same ones marked at the intersections. Does not compute!

All the above made for a very stressful day where instead of being sad for leaving a beautiful city, we walked back to the train station early feeling cheated. Taking a shortcut through a neighborhood (using my dead reckoning skills) I cut sharply to the left to avoid two mangy, cur dogs resting on the sidewalk to our right. The ever hopeful for sunshine Karen approached them to within a few feet, camera poised for a closeup and was astonished that they sprang up barking and nipping at her. A fitting farewell from Toledanos.

The Spanish Ministry of Tourism may benefit from a visit to Turkey where the historical sites are well preserved, well marked, accesible from mass transit and staffed by happy, helpful people. We had both entered Toledo bright, cheerful and hopeful, eager to see the wonderous sights. We both left exhausted and disgruntled.

There is insult to this injury. We stopped at a place across the street from the train station in Toledo for refreshment and a bathroom break. Karen thinks she left her new prescription reading glasses on the table. I did not see them and think perhaps they were lost elsewhere. Karen had the desk clerk in our hotel here in Madrid call the restaurant to inquire but they said they were busy and call back later.

We have had a great trip so far, fifteen days from home. We are now beyond this unfortunate experience today and look forward to a grand eight weeks in Sevilla!